Interesting lunch date

It's late on a Sunday evening, thought I should have gone to bed an hour ago but cannot sleep.  Discussing a lunch date with another couple in the lifestyle the day before, several interesting observations were made, which I found relevant and perhaps helpful for others in the lifestyle.

One complaint I see on a local swing site is that often people spend little time reading profiles.  Generally this profiles are written in an attempt to convey the guidelines, rules or preferences of that couple.  Those reading or pursuing these couples should read the profile before contacting that couple.  Often they either don't read the profile, or for some reason choose to ignore what is written.  Maybe it's human nature to hear or read what you want to hear or read.

So we were contacted by a couple in the past few months.  For some reason we couldn't get together the first time we discussed lunch and drinks.  Again the male from this couple contacted us and we agreed to meet them for lunch and drinks this last Saturday.  They were a nice couple, talkative, personable, though he was more the life of the party then her.   We had a great conversation about swinging, the lifestyle and raising kids.

He talked about their preferences, one of them being that his wife is pretty bi-sexual.  He then asked us about our preferences, and my wife states she's not very bi-sexual.  Only in certain cases will she play with a woman, but only if the that woman is also playing with me (male).  Mrs ABC is pretty open and direct about this but often people hear what they want to hear.

I also told this couple that one thing that really burns us is when they feign interest in the male half (or me), but really want the female (Mrs ABC).   Granted people like what they want, but they either lie to themselves or deliberately ignore what we say about Mrs ABC preferences.

The lunch again went well, and it seemed everyone was pretty clear about likes, dislikes.  They even were talking about future dates.  After they left there were several text messages from the male and female.  She flirted with me on a few texts, but only two or three texts between us.  He sent my wife a number of texts, very respectful of course.  But one was really telling.  Basically it was about how much he and his wife wanted to hookup with Mrs ABC.  Looking at the texts I received and the ones she received it was pretty apparent that the other female was more interested in Mrs ABC then myself.

Again, we told them fairly clearly.  We don't play bi-sexual games.  We're just not into that type of play.   If Mrs ABC isn't getting off on the play with another female then why would she claim she's bi-curious or bi-sexual.   The other thing she has a problem with is that I'd be only watching, not something she's interested in at all.  The final issue is that she was not into the other guy at all sexually.

Honestly, I've been in enough of these situations in the past four years.  Mrs ABC feels the same way and that is the following.  Usually you can tell within one meeting if things are going to click sexually.  Though we like this couple and think they'd be fun to hang out with in terms of camping, bowling, or dinner.  They just won't connect with us sexually for a number of reasons.

The biggest turn off though sexually was the lack of listening on this couples end.  Unfortunately they make the classic mistake many do in a similar situation.  Just because you click socially does not make it a possible sexual opportunity.  Especially when you don't process what the other couples wants or will be willing to do in a sexual encounter.  So if there is a lesson to be learned, LISTEN, READ and don't assume it's any different then what you see.  If the couples tells you they are not bi-sexual, then that means no girl on girl play.  If that same couple suggests that feigning sexual interesting in the "male- me" is not the way to get with Mrs ABC, then listen!

Again, nothing wrong with this couple.  They did travel a long distance to meet us.  They were personable, friendly, and paid for lunch (even after I insisted to cover it).  I just think sometimes people get a little caught up in what THEY want, and fail to listen to what others want. This is not just a swinger issue this is a WORD issue.