Dear Mrs ABC

In his one of his recent posts, Mr. ABC asked for suggestions to improve his blog and one of the suggestions was to open it up to a Question and Answer format.  To me, Mrs. ABC, this is a great idea.  I’m not great at coming up with ideas on my own, but I’m more than happy to answer questions.  So here’s the first question I get to respond to:

Anonymous said...

Thank you Mr and Mrs ABC (DEFGH, 5 kids, you two are my heros!)

My husband and I are going to delve into the swinging lifestyle, currently I have many hangups, a big one is I can't cum with intercourse only. He wants to full swap, I'm down with that until I overthink another woman having screaming orgasms the "normal" way with him. How do I get over this?? He slightly worries another guy will get me off the "regular" way, but I've never had an intercourse only orgasm with anyone I've been with, so he really has nothing to worry about. With manual stim I'm a multiple machine though :))I just need to get in the frame of mind that when he gets a chick off by fucking her he's a stud, and I'm happy for him!! Lucky I'm married to him and that he fucked me pregnant back in the day! Easier said than done...but I really want to share. Also, how do you find the Meet and Greets? from local swingers websites? Pretty soon you are going to start charging for advice. I really appreciate you sharing all of your insights on your blog.

Dear Anonymous,

This is an interesting question.  I can only share with you the insights I’ve gained from talking with other women and my own experiences.  I hope you will find it helpful. 

One thing you should try to remember is that every person is built differently.  We each experience sensations and touch in different ways.  For you, intercourse doesn’t seem to stimulate you enough to bring you to orgasm, whereas, manual stimulation does.  For me, I can orgasm through intercourse with my husband but no other men.  Some women have never experienced an orgasm.  Others are having multiple orgasms just by a simple touch.  Every woman has her own way of experiencing sex and different men each provide a different feel for her.  You may respond completely different to another man than you would with your own husband.

Another thing to think about is that when anyone hooks up with someone they have just met, it’s difficult to know exactly what that person enjoys.  Let alone how to stimulate someone to orgasm.  If your husband is getting women to scream during an orgasm on the first try, then he is either a sex God or he is with a woman who knows what she likes and is showing him exactly how to achieve it.  So when you hear her screaming because of something your husband is doing to her, think of the amazing technique he just learned and will soon share with you! 

The lifestyle can be a great teacher.  As you explore and try new things with new people, you and your husband will learn new techniques.  If another man is able to get you to have an orgasm with intercourse, take notes and pass that information to your husband.  If your husband gets another woman to orgasm the “normal” way, tell him to try those things on you.  Approach it as a learning experience and be willing to try new things and learn.

Most importantly, communicate with each other.  The couples that succeed in the Lifestyle are those who have nothing to hide and communicate openly with each other.  Share your feelings of jealousy with each other.  Reassure each other that your spouse is still number one.  Be sure to reconnect after playing with other people.  Mr. ABC and I have “reclamation” sex where we discuss our experiences and reclaim each other through our intimacy with each other. 

As for finding Meet and Greets, we usually find them through local swinger sites.  Once you get to know people it’s spread by word of mouth as well.  Some places even have on site sex clubs where you can meet new people.

I hope this is helpful to you. Go out, have fun and be safe.

Mrs. ABC